關於 if you could be a child again what would you do ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

對於阿富汗我十分陌生，但對於一樣來自電影工作者的呼喊，我願意為他們發聲。

轉自 Weichen Chou

來自阿富汗女導演薩赫熱·卡里米Sahraa Karimi 的親筆信
A Letter From An Afghan Film Maker to Save Afghanistan from Taliban（The original English text is below）

致世界範圍內所有電影團體和熱愛電影的人們！我叫薩赫熱 · 卡里米Sahraa Karimi，是一名電影導演，目前是 「阿富汗電影」的總導演，這是於 1968 年成立的唯一一家國有電影公司。

我懷著一顆破碎的心給您寫下這封信，並且深深地希望您能夠與我一起保護我的可愛的同胞們，尤其是電影製作者們，不會遭受塔利班的侵害。在過去的數週時間裡，塔利班已經攫取了許多省份的控制權。他們屠殺我們的百姓，他們綁架許多孩子，他們將女孩賣給男人們當作童養媳，他們殺了一名婦女因為她的服飾穿著，他們測量一名婦女的眼睛（筆者猜測此處是指塔利班對穿著罩袍的女性進行測量，除了眼睛的其他身體部位不能暴露，以此判定女性穿著是否合規），他們折磨和殺害一位我們鍾愛的喜劇演員，他們謀殺一位我們的史詩學家，他們是扼殺政府中主管文化與媒體的一把手，他們一直在暗殺與政府有關聯的人，他們在大庭廣眾之下絞死我們的人，他們已經迫使成千上萬的家庭流離失所。

這些家庭從被塔利班佔領的省份逃離之後，目前居住在喀布爾（阿富汗首都）的難民營裡，他們處於不衛生的環境裡面。在難民營裡時有搶劫行為，同時出現嬰兒沒有牛奶喝而天折的情況。這是一場人道主義危機，然而世界對此嗓若寒蟬。我們已經習慣了這種沉默，然而我們清楚這不公平。我們知道，政府拋棄我們的人民的決定是錯誤的，倉促撤軍是對我們人民的背叛，是對阿富汗人為西方贏得冷戰時我們所做的一切的背叛。彼時我們的人民被遺忘，導致了塔利班的黑暗統治，而此刻，在我們國家中特別是年輕一代在隨後的 20 年裡取得巨大成就之後，一切都可能在這種拋棄中再次化為烏有。我們急需你的聲音。

媒體、政府和世界人道主義組織都在保持沉默，彷彿他們與塔利班的「和平協議」是合法的。這從來都不是合法的。塔利班認識到政府給了他們重新掌權上台的信心。在整個談判過程中，塔利班一直在殘忍地對待我們的百姓。我作為一名電影製作者，我在我的國家所努力創作的一切都將毀於一旦。假若塔利班上台，他們將嚴禁所有藝術。我和其他電影製作者們可能成為他們暗殺名單中的下一個人選。他們將會剝奪婦女的權利，我們將會被推到家庭的陰影之中，我們的聲音、我們的表達將被彈壓製到沉默之中。當塔利班掌權的時候，學校將不再會有女孩子。而此時，阿富汗有 900 多萬的女孩在上學。難以想像的是在剛剛陷入塔利班手中的赫拉特省，它是阿富汗第三大城市，在當地大學裡面有將近 50 ％的女學生。全世界幾乎不知道這些難以置信的事實。就在這幾週之內，塔利班摧毀了多所學校，目前有 200 萬的女孩被迫輟學。

我不了解這個世界。我不明白這種沉默。我會留在阿富汗並為我的國家而戰鬥，但是我一個人獨木難支。我需要像你這樣的支持者。請幫助我們，讓這個世界關註一下發生在我們身上的遭遇。請幫助我們，告訴你們國家最重要的媒體此時此刻阿富汗的現狀。在阿富汗之外發出我們的聲音。

如果塔利班佔領喀布爾，我們可能無法上網，也無法進使用任何通訊工具。請讓你們的電影製作者和藝術家們支持我們，發出我們的聲音。這場戰爭不是內戰，這是一場傀儡戰爭，這是一場強加的戰爭，這是美國與塔利班靖和的結果。請盡可能多地在你的媒體上分享這一事實，並請在您的社交媒體上為我們寫些東西。世界不應該對我們置之不理。我們需要你們的支持，需要你們代表阿富汗的婦女、兒童、藝術家和電影製作者發聲。這種支持是我們目前最需要的幫助。

請幫助我們讓這個世界不要拋棄阿富汗。請在塔利班佔領喀布爾之前幫助我們。我們的時間所剩不多，也許幾天。十分感謝。我非常感激您純潔的心。

致上問候
薩赫熱 · 卡里米砂巴

原文：
To All the Film Communities in The World and Who Loves Film and Cinema!
My name is Sahraa Karimi, a film director and the current general director of Afghan Film, the only stated-owned film company established in 1968.
I write to you with a broken heart and a deep hope that you can join me in protecting my beautiful people, especially filmmakers from the Taliban. In the last few weeks, the Taliban have gained control of so many provinces. They have massacred our people, they kidnapped many children, they sold girls as child brides to their men, they murdered a woman for her attire, they gauged the eyes of a woman, they tortured and murdered one of our beloved comedians, they murdered one of our historian poets, they murdered the head of culture and media for the government, they have been assassinating people affiliated with the government, they hung some of our men publicly, they have displaced hundreds of thousands of families. The families are in camps in Kabul after fleeing these provinces, and they are in unsanitary condition. There is looting in the camps and babies dying because they don’t have milk. It is a humanitarian crisis, and yet the world is silent.
We have grown accustomed to this silence, yet we know it is not fair. We know that this decision to abandon our people is wrong, that this hasty troop withdrawal is a betrayal of our people and all that we did when Afghans won the Cold War for the west. Our people were forgotten then, leading up to the Taliban’s dark rule, and now, after twenty years of immense gains for our country and especially our younger generations, all could be lost again in this abandonment.
We need your voice. The media, governments, and the world humanitarian organizations are conveniently silent as if this “Peace deal” with the Taliban was ever legitimate. It was never legitimate. Recognizing them gave them the confidence to come back to power. The
Taliban have been brutalizing our people throughout the entire process of the talks. Everything that I have worked so hard to build as a filmmaker in my country is at risk of falling. If the Taliban take over they will ban all art. I and other filmmakers could be next on their hit list. They will strip women’s rights, we will be pushed into the shadows of our homes and our voices, our expression will be stifled into silence. When the Taliban were in power, zero girls were in school. Since then there are over 9 million Afghan girls in school. This is incredible Herat, the third-largest city which just fell to the Taliban had nearly 50% women in its university. These are incredible gains that the world hardly knows about. Just in these few weeks, the Taliban have destroyed many schools and 2 million girls are forced now out of school again.
I do not understand this world. I do not understand this silence. I will stay and fight for my country, but I cannot do it alone. I need allies like you. Please help us get this world to care about what is happening to us. Please help us by informing your countries’ most important media what is going on here in Afghanistan. Be our voices outside Afghanistan. If the Taliban take over Kabul, we may not have access to the internet or any communication tool at all. Please engage your filmmakers, artists to support us to be our voice.
This war is not a civil war, this is a proxy war, this is an imposed war and it is the result of the US deal with the Taliban. Please as much as you can share this fact with your media and write about us on your social media.
The world should not turn its back on us. We need your support and your voice on behalf of Afghan women, children, artists, and filmmakers. This support would be the greatest help we need right now.
Please help us get this world to not abandon Afghanistan. Please help us before the Taliban take over Kabul. We have such little time, maybe days. Thank you so much. I appreciate your pure true heart so dearly.
With regard,
Sahraa Karimi

原始內容來源
https://mobile.twitter.com/sahraakarimi/status/1426161540818997250?fbclid=IwAR1ziip3P_pumPv1n6US82MxCNpe31RVStY0XELFxCeZa8xPJLdUtJ1fOAE
照片來自
Babak Taghvaee - Μπάπακ Τακβαίε - بابک تقوایی

Distance is Not An Issue

“For though I am absent in the flesh, yet am I with you in the spirit, rejoicing and seeing your order, and the steadfastness of your faith in Christ.” (Colossians‬ ‭2:5‬ ‭WEB‬‬)

At that time, there was no Internet technology. There was no way to hop on a Zoom online conference call to speak to the churches. Instead, the apostle Paul saw visions of the churches in his spirit, and that is how he could see their order and steadfastness of faith. Having the Holy Spirit in us is like being connected to the Internet. We are connected to all the knowledge and power that God has.

Nowadays, the local church that I attend is not allowed to hold in-person church services due to government regulations. As a result, all services are held through online broadcast instead.

Although I miss sitting in the physical services, worshipping the Lord together with other believers, I believe that online services are no less powerful than in-person ones.

Many people are more comfortable with ‘the human touch’, such as receiving prayer in person, having a pastor to place his hand upon them while praying, but this physical contact is actually not absolutely necessary.

In His second miracle, Jesus demonstrated that the power of the Holy Spirit is not limited by distance.

“Jesus came therefore again to Cana of Galilee, where he made the water into wine. There was a certain nobleman whose son was sick at Capernaum. When he heard that Jesus had come out of Judea into Galilee, he went to him, and begged him that he would come down and heal his son, for he was at the point of death. Jesus therefore said to him, “Unless you see signs and wonders, you will in no way believe.” The nobleman said to him, “Sir, come down before my child dies.” Jesus said to him, “Go your way. Your son lives.” The man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him, and he went his way. As he was now going down, his servants met him and reported, saying “Your child lives!” So he inquired of them the hour when he began to get better. They said therefore to him, “Yesterday at the seventh hour, the fever left him.” So the father knew that it was at that hour in which Jesus said to him, “Your son lives.” He believed, as did his whole house. This is again the second sign that Jesus did, having come out of Judea into Galilee.” (John‬ ‭4:46-54‬ ‭WEB‬‬)

Jesus was in Cana, while the sick boy was in Capernaum. Just by speaking the words “your son lives” in faith, the power of the Holy Spirit healed the boy from a long distance away. Jesus did not have to lay hands on the child in order for him to be healed.

The nobleman initially thought that Jesus had to go to his house before the son could be healed. However, when Jesus released the words, “Go your way, your son lives,” the nobleman believed, and that was enough to receive the healing in proxy for his son.

We know that the nobleman believed because he met Jesus at the seventh hour (between 1 - 2pm). Cana and Capernaum are about 25 miles apart (about 6 - 8 hours walking distance) so if the nobleman set off immediately, he could be back home the same day at night to check on his son.

However, we see that the nobleman only spoke to his servant the next day. This means that the nobleman stayed at an inn or something for a night, and trusted that his son had been healed. If he had been unbelieving, he would have rushed home right away so as not to miss his son’s last moments, since he was “at the point of death”.

There are other long-distance healing miracles like this one, such as Jesus healing the Roman centurion’s servant, and Jesus healing the Syrophoenician woman’s demon-possessed daughter.

Continue to feed on the rhema word that God is releasing in season. Whether online or in-person, God’s power is still fully effective, and is not limited by the distance or channel.

As long as you hear or read, believing it, you shall experience the manifestation of the rhema word.

In the nobleman’s son’s case, the word in season was “your son lives”.

Earlier this year, I felt like I was coming down with a flu. I was sneezing repeatedly and my nose was dripping. I felt weak and irritable.

As I was praying in tongues and also asking Jesus to heal me and make me well, suddenly I heard these words in my spirit: “he grew strong through faith”.

Instantly, I knew that the Holy Spirit was talking about the apostle Paul’s description of Abraham in “Romans”.

“Yet, looking to the promise of God, he didn’t waver through unbelief, but grew strong through faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what he had promised, he was also able to perform.” (Romans‬ ‭4:21‬ ‭WEB‬‬)

This was a rhema word for me to be healed. I grabbed it and repeatedly confessed and meditated on this, that I was growing strong through faith.

Abraham grew physically stronger through faith. He was already old and weak, but because he believed in the rhema word which God spoke to him, he and his wife Sarah experienced drastic youth renewal.

Their saggy skin, old internal organs, weak muscles, and dry bones were all renewed miraculously, allowing them to be fit for childbearing and even raising a child.

As I kept confessing “he didn’t consider the deadness of his own body, but he grew strong through faith,” I felt physically better and I did not sneeze or have runny nose anymore.

It was just a few words, but I emphasized on the “grew” and “strong”. Suddenly, each word was pregnant with life-giving power for my situation.

Faith comes through hearing the rhema word of Christ. What is He saying to you? As you are listening to a sermon video online, what is the key message or statement that jumps out at you and makes a strong impression in you heart? Sometimes the Lord whispers a verse or passage to you from within. Grab it and declare it for yourself because it carries the miracle-working power of God to turn your situation around!

Actionable Steps:

1. Get yourself plugged in to a ministry that preaches the Gospel. Listen to the new messages released by the pastor or preacher. If the Holy Spirit led you there, then you will benefit from believing the rhema words that is released through that ministry.

2. Train your mind to believe in the limitless reach of prayer. Pray for people who are far away from you, knowing that God will answer your prayers of faith, regardless of the distance between you and them.

3. When you receive a word in season (rhema word), write it down in your notebook or somewhere so that you do not forget. Revisit these words often and declare them, so long as you are still waiting for the manifestation.

- - -

This teaching is the 5th issue in my new Patreon Bible Study series called “The Way Forward: How to Thrive Amidst Change”. If you want to learn how you can still reign in life amidst lockdowns, strict regulations, and lots of bad news, join us as a “God Every Morning (GEM)” tier or above patron to receive it.

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這是前些日子爆出已經被加拿大法院接理對藏傳佛教噶舉派法王的訟訴。（加拿大法院鏈接在此：https://www.bccourts.ca/jdb-txt/sc/21/09/2021BCSC0939cor1.htm?fbclid=IwAR2FLZlzmUIGTBaTuKPVchEqqngcE3Qy6G_C0TWNWVKa2ksbIYkVJVMQ8f8）

這位法王的桃色事件，我是幾年前才聽到。但，藏傳佛教的高層有這些性醜聞，我已經聽了幾十年。我以前的一位前女友也被一些堪布藉故上她的家摟抱過，也有一些活佛跟她表白。（這不只是她，其他地方我也聽過不少）

這是一個藏傳佛教裡面系統式的問題。

很多時候發生這種事情，信徒和教主往往都是說女方得不到寵而報仇，或者說她們也精神病，或者說她們撒謊。

我不排除有這種可能性，但，多過一位，甚至多位出來指證的時候，我是傾向於相信『沒有那麼巧這麼多有精神病的女人要撒謊來報仇』。

大寶法王的桃色事件，最先吹哨的是一位台灣的在家信徒，第二位是香港的女出家人，現在加拿大又多一位公開舉報上法庭。

對大寶法王信徒來說，這一次的比較麻煩，因為是有孩子的。（關於有孩子的，我早在法王的桃色事件曝光時，就有聽聞）

如果法庭勒令要驗證DNA，這對法王和他的信徒來說，會很尷尬和矛盾，因為做或不做，都死。

你若問我，我覺得『人數是有力量的』，同時我也覺得之後有更多的人站出來，是不出奇的。

我也藉此呼籲各方佛教徒，如果你們真的愛佛教，先別說批判，但如鴕鳥般不討論這些爭議，你是間接害了佛教。

（下面是我從加拿大法院鏈接拷貝下來的內容，當中有很多細節。）

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

BACKGROUND

ANALYSIS

A. The Spousal Support Claim in this Case

B. The Test to Amend Pleadings

C. Pleadings in Family Law Cases

D. The Legal Concept of a Marriage-Like Relationship

E. Is There a Reasonable Claim of a Marriage-Like Relationship?

F. Delay / Prejudice

CONCLUSION



INTRODUCTION
[1] The claimant applies to amend her notice of family claim to seek spousal support. At issue is whether the claimant’s allegations give rise to a reasonable claim she lived with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship, so as to give rise to a potential entitlement to spousal support under the Family Law Act, S.B.C. 2011, c. 25 (“FLA”).

[2] The facts alleged by the claimant do not fit within a traditional concept of marriage. The claimant does not allege that she and the respondent ever lived together. Indeed, she has only met the respondent in person four times: twice very briefly in a public setting; a third time in private, when she alleges the respondent sexually assaulted her; and a fourth and final occasion, when she informed the respondent she was pregnant with his child.

[3] The claimant’s case is that what began as a non-consensual sexual encounter evolved into a loving and affectionate relationship. That relationship occurred almost entirely over private text messages. The parties rarely spoke on the telephone, and never saw one another during the relationship, even over video. The claimant says they could not be together because the respondent is forbidden by his station and religious beliefs from intimate relationships or marriage. Nonetheless, she alleges, they formed a marriage-like relationship that lasted from January 2018 to January 2019.

[4] The respondent denies any romantic relationship with the claimant. While he acknowledges providing emotional and financial support to the claimant, he says it was for the benefit of the child the claimant told him was his daughter.

[5] The claimant’s proposed amendment raises a novel question: can a secret relationship that began on-line and never moved into the physical world be like a marriage? In my view, that question should be answered by a trial judge after hearing all of the evidence. The alleged facts give rise to a reasonable claim the claimant lived with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship. Accordingly, I grant the claimant leave to amend her notice of family claim.

BACKGROUND
[6] It should be emphasized that this is an application to amend pleadings only. The allegations by the claimant are presumed to be true for the purposes of this application. Those allegations have not been tested in a court of law.

[7] The respondent, Ogyen Trinley Dorje, is a high lama of the Karma Kagyu School of Tibetan Buddhism. He has been recognized and enthroned as His Holiness, the 17th Gyalwang Karmapa. Without meaning any disrespect, I will refer to him as Mr. Dorje in these reasons for judgment.

[8] Mr. Dorje leads a monastic and nomadic lifestyle. His true home is Tibet, but he currently resides in India. He receives followers from around the world at the Gyuto Monetary in India. He also travels the world teaching Tibetan Buddhist Dharma and hosting pujas, ceremonies at which Buddhists express their gratitude and devotion to the Buddha.

[9] The claimant, Vikki Hui Xin Han, is a former nun of Tibetan Buddhism. Ms. Han first encountered Mr. Dorje briefly at a large puja in 2014. The experience of the puja convinced Ms. Han she wanted to become a Buddhist nun. She met briefly with Mr. Dorje, in accordance with Kagyu traditions, to obtain his approval to become a nun.

[10] In October 2016, Ms. Han began a three-year, three-month meditation retreat at a monastery in New York State. Her objective was to learn the practices and teachings of the Kagyu Lineage. Mr. Dorje was present at the retreat twice during the time Ms. Han was at the monastery.

[11] Ms. Han alleges that on October 14, 2017, Mr. Dorje sexually assaulted her in her room at the monastery. She alleges that she became pregnant from the assault.

[12] After she learned that she was pregnant, Ms. Han requested a private audience with Mr. Dorje. In November 2017, in the presence of his bodyguards, Ms. Han informed Mr. Dorje she was pregnant with his child. Mr. Dorje initially denied responsibility; however, he provided Ms. Han with his email address and a cellphone number, and, according to Ms. Han, said he would “prepare some money” for her.

[13] Ms. Han abandoned her plan to become a nun, left the retreat and returned to Canada. She never saw Mr. Dorje again.

[14] After Ms. Han returned to Canada, she and Mr. Dorje began a regular communication over an instant messaging app called Line. They also exchanged emails and occasionally spoke on the telephone.

[15] The parties appear to have expressed care and affection for one another in these communications. I say “appear to” because it is difficult to fully understand the meaning and intentions of another person from brief text messages, especially those originally written in a different language. The parties wrote in a private shorthand, sharing jokes, emojis, cartoon portraits and “hugs” or “kisses”. Ms. Han was the more expressive of the two, writing more frequently and in longer messages. Mr. Dorje generally participated in response to questions or prompting from Ms. Han, sometimes in single word messages.

[16] Ms. Han deposes that she believed Mr. Dorje was in love with her and that, by January 2018, she and Mr. Dorje were living in a “conjugal relationship”.

[17] During their communications, Ms. Han expressed concern that her child would be “illegitimate”. She appears to have asked Mr. Dorje to marry her, and he appears to have responded that he was “not ready”.

[18] Throughout 2018, Mr. Dorje transferred funds in various denominations to Ms. Han through various third parties. Ms. Han deposes that these funds were:

a) $50,000 CDN to deliver the child and for postpartum care she was to receive at a facility in Seattle;

b) $300,000 CDN for the first year of the child’s life;

c) $20,000 USD for a wedding ring, because Ms. Han wrote “Even if we cannot get married, you must buy me a wedding ring”;

d) $400,000 USD to purchase a home for the mother and child.

[19] On June 19, 2018, Ms. Han gave birth to a daughter in Richmond, B.C.

[20] On September 17, 2018, Mr. Dorje wrote, ”Taking care of her and you are my duty for life”.

[21] Ms. Han’s expectation was that the parties would live together in the future. She says they planned to live together. Those plans evolved over time. Initially they involved purchasing a property in Toronto, so that Mr. Dorje could visit when he was in New York. They also discussed purchasing property in Calgary or renting a home in Vancouver for that purpose. Ms. Han eventually purchased a condominium in Richmond using funds provided by Mr. Dorje.

[22] Ms. Han deposes that the parties made plans for Mr. Dorje to visit her and meet the child in Richmond. In October 2018, however, Mr. Dorje wrote that he needed to “disappear” to Europe. He wrote:

I will definitely find a way to meet her

And you

Remember to take care of yourself if something happens

[23] The final plan the parties discussed, according to Ms. Han, was that Mr. Dorje would sponsor Ms. Han and the child to immigrate to the United States and live at the Kagyu retreat centre in New York State.

[24] In January 2019, Ms. Han lost contact with Mr. Dorje.

[25] Ms. Han commenced this family law case on July 17, 2019, seeking child support, a declaration of parentage and a parentage test. She did not seek spousal support.

[26] Ms. Han first proposed a claim for spousal support in October 2020 after a change in her counsel. Following an exchange of correspondence concerning an application for leave to amend the notice of family claim, Ms. Han’s counsel wrote that Ms. Han would not be advancing a spousal support claim. On March 16, 2020, counsel reversed course, and advised that Ms. Han had instructed him to proceed with the application.

[27] When this application came on before me, the trial was set to commence on June 7, 2021. The parties were still in the process of discoveries and obtaining translations for hundreds of pages of documents in Chinese characters.

[28] At a trial management conference on May 6, 2021, noting the parties were not ready to proceed, Madam Justice Walkem adjourned the trial to April 11, 2022.

ANALYSIS
A. The Spousal Support Claim in this Case
[29] To claim spousal support in this case, Ms. Han must plead that she lived with Mr. Dorje in a marriage-like relationship. This is because only “spouses” are entitled to spousal support, and s. 3 of the Family Law Act defines a spouse as a person who is married or has lived with another person in a marriage-like relationship:

3 (1) A person is a spouse for the purposes of this Act if the person

(a) is married to another person, or

(b) has lived with another person in a marriage-like relationship, and

(i) has done so for a continuous period of at least 2 years, or

(ii) except in Parts 5 [Property Division] and 6 [Pension Division], has a child with the other person.

[30] Because she alleges she has a child with Mr. Dorje, Ms. Han need not allege that the relationship endured for a continuous period of two years to claim spousal support; but she must allege that she lived in a marriage-like relationship with him at some point in time. Accordingly, she must amend the notice of family claim.

B. The Test to Amend Pleadings
[31] Given that the notice of trial has been served, Ms. Han requires leave of the court to amend the notice of family claim: Supreme Court Family Rule 8-1(1)(b)(i).

[32] A person seeking to amend a notice of family claim must show that there is a reasonable cause of action. This is a low threshold. What the applicant needs to establish is that, if the facts pleaded are proven at trial, they would support a reasonable claim. The applicant’s allegations of fact are assumed to be true for the purposes of this analysis. Cantelon v. Wall, 2015 BCSC 813, at para. 7-8.

[33] The applicant’s delay, the reasons for the delay, and the prejudice to the responding party are also relevant factors. The ultimate consideration is whether it would be just and convenient to allow the amendment. Cantelon, at para. 6, citing Teal Cedar Products Ltd. v. Dale Intermediaries Ltd. et al (1986), 19 B.C.L.R. (3d) 282.

C. Pleadings in Family Law Cases
[34] Supreme Court Family Rules 3-1(1) and 4-1(1) require that a claim to spousal support be pleaded in a notice of family claim in Form F3. Section 2 of Form F3, “Spousal relationship history”, requires a spousal support claimant to check the boxes that apply to them, according to whether they are or have been married or are or have been in a marriage-like relationship. Where a claimant alleges a marriage-like relationship, Form F3 requires that they provide the date on which they began to live together with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship and, where applicable, the date on which they separated. Form F3 does not require a statement of the factual basis for the claim of spousal support.

[35] In this case, Ms. Han seeks to amend the notice of family claim to allege that she and Mr. Dorje began to live in a marriage-like relationship in or around January 2018, and separated in or around January 2019.

[36] An allegation that a person lived with a claimant in a marriage-like relationship is a conclusion of law, not an allegation of fact. Unlike the rules governing pleadings in civil actions, however, the Supreme Court Family Rules do not expressly require family law claimants to plead the material facts in support of conclusions of law.

[37] In other words, there is no express requirement in the Supreme Court Family Rules that Ms. Han plead the facts on which she relies for the allegation she and Mr. Dorje lived in a marriage-like relationship.

[38] Rule 4-6 authorizes a party to demand particulars, and then apply to the court for an order for further and better particulars, of a matter stated in a pleading. However, unless and until she is granted leave and files the proposed amended notice of family claim, Ms. Han’s allegation of a marriage-like relationship is not a matter stated in a pleading.

[39] Ms. Han filed an affidavit in support of her application to amend the notice of family claim. Normally, evidence would not be required or admissible on an application to amend a pleading. However, in the unusual circumstances of this case, the parties agreed I may look to Ms. Han’s affidavit and exhibits for the facts she pleads in support of the allegation of a marriage-like relationship.

[40] Because this is an application to amend - and Ms. Han’s allegations of fact are presumed to be true - I have not considered Mr. Dorje’s responding affidavit.

[41] Relying on affidavit evidence for an application to amend pleadings is less than ideal. It tends to merge and confuse the material facts with the evidence that would be relied on to prove those facts. In a number of places in her affidavit, for example, Ms. Han describes her feelings, impressions and understandings. A person’s hopes and intentions are not normally material facts unless they are mutual or reasonably held. The facts on which Ms. Han alleges she and Mr. Dorje formed a marriage-like relationship are more important for the present purposes than her belief they entered into a conjugal union.

[42] Somewhat unusually, in this case, almost all of the parties’ relevant communications were in writing. This makes it somewhat easier to separate the facts from the evidence; however, as stated above, it is difficult to understand the intentions and actions of a person from brief text messages.

[43] In my view, it would be a good practice for applicants who seek to amend their pleadings in family law cases to provide opposing counsel and the court with a schedule of the material facts on which they rely for the proposed amendment.

D. The Legal Concept of a Marriage-Like Relationship
[44] As Mr. Justice Myers observed in Mother 1 v. Solus Trust Company, 2019 BCSC 200, the concept of a marriage-like relationship is elastic and difficult to define. This elasticity is illustrated by the following passage from Yakiwchuk v. Oaks, 2003 SKQB 124, quoted by Myers J. at para. 133 of Mother 1:

[10] Spousal relationships are many and varied. Individuals in spousal relationships, whether they are married or not, structure their relationships differently. In some relationships there is a complete blending of finances and property - in others, spouses keep their property and finances totally separate and in still others one spouse may totally control those aspects of the relationship with the other spouse having little or no knowledge or input. For some couples, sexual relations are very important - for others, that aspect may take a back seat to companionship. Some spouses do not share the same bed. There may be a variety of reasons for this such as health or personal choice. Some people are affectionate and demonstrative. They show their feelings for their “spouse” by holding hands, touching and kissing in public. Other individuals are not demonstrative and do not engage in public displays of affection. Some “spouses” do everything together - others do nothing together. Some “spouses” vacation together and some spend their holidays apart. Some “spouses” have children - others do not. It is this variation in the way human beings structure their relationships that make the determination of when a “spousal relationship” exists difficult to determine. With married couples, the relationship is easy to establish. The marriage ceremony is a public declaration of their commitment and intent. Relationships outside marriage are much more difficult to ascertain. Rarely is there any type of “public” declaration of intent. Often people begin cohabiting with little forethought or planning. Their motivation is often nothing more than wanting to “be together”. Some individuals have chosen to enter relationships outside marriage because they did not want the legal obligations imposed by that status. Some individuals have simply given no thought as to how their relationship would operate. Often the date when the cohabitation actually began is blurred because people “ease into” situations, spending more and more time together. Agreements between people verifying when their relationship began and how it will operate often do not exist.

[45] In Mother 1, Mr. Justice Myers referred to a list of 22 factors grouped into seven categories, from Maldowich v. Penttinen, (1980), 17 R.F.L. (2d) 376 (Ont. Dist. Ct.), that have frequently been cited in this and other courts for the purpose of determining whether a relationship was marriage-like, at para. 134 of Mother 1:

1. Shelter:

(a) Did the parties live under the same roof?

(b) What were the sleeping arrangements?

(c) Did anyone else occupy or share the available accommodation?

2. Sexual and Personal Behaviour:

(a) Did the parties have sexual relations? If not, why not?

(b) Did they maintain an attitude of fidelity to each other?

(c) What were their feelings toward each other?

(d) Did they communicate on a personal level?

(e) Did they eat their meals together?

(f) What, if anything, did they do to assist each other with problems or during illness?

(g) Did they buy gifts for each other on special occasions?

3. Services:

What was the conduct and habit of the parties in relation to:

(a) preparation of meals;

(b) washing and mending clothes;

(c) shopping;

(d) household maintenance; and

(e) any other domestic services?

4. Social:

(a) Did they participate together or separately in neighbourhood and community activities?

(b) What was the relationship and conduct of each of them toward members of their respective families and how did such families behave towards the parties?

5. Societal:

What was the attitude and conduct of the community toward each of them and as a couple?

6. Support (economic):

(a) What were the financial arrangements between the parties regarding the provision of or contribution toward the necessaries of life (food, clothing, shelter, recreation, etc.)?

(b) What were the arrangements concerning the acquisition and ownership of property?

(c) Was there any special financial arrangement between them which both agreed would be determinant of their overall relationship?

7. Children:

What was the attitude and conduct of the parties concerning children?

[46] In Austin v. Goerz, 2007 BCCA 586, the Court of Appeal cautioned against a “checklist approach”; rather, a court should "holistically" examine all the relevant factors. Cases like Molodowich provide helpful indicators of the sorts of behaviour that society associates with a marital relationship, the Court of Appeal said; however, “the presence or absence of any particular factor cannot be determinative of whether a relationship is marriage-like” (para. 58).

[47] In Weber v. Leclerc, 2015 BCCA 492, the Court of Appeal again affirmed that there is no checklist of characteristics that will be found in all marriages and then concluded with respect to evidence of intentions:

[23] The parties’ intentions – particularly the expectation that the relationship will be of lengthy, indeterminate duration – may be of importance in determining whether a relationship is “marriage-like”. While the court will consider the evidence expressly describing the parties’ intentions during the relationship, it will also test that evidence by considering whether the objective evidence is consonant with those intentions.

[24] The question of whether a relationship is “marriage-like” will also typically depend on more than just their intentions. Objective evidence of the parties’ lifestyle and interactions will also provide direct guidance on the question of whether the relationship was “marriage-like”.

[48] Significantly for this case, the courts have looked to mutual intent in order to find a marriage-like relationship. See, for example, L.E. v. D.J., 2011 BCSC 671 and Buell v. Unger, 2011 BCSC 35; Davey Estate v. Gruyaert, 2005 CarswellBC 3456 at 13 and 35.

[49] In Mother 1, Myers J. concluded his analysis of the law with the following learned comment:

[143] Having canvassed the law relating to the nature of a marriage-like relationship, I will digress to point out the problematic nature of the concept. It may be apparent from the above that determining whether a marriage-like relationship exists sometimes seems like sand running through one's fingers. Simply put, a marriage-like relationship is akin to a marriage without the formality of a marriage. But as the cases mentioned above have noted, people treat their marriages differently and have different conceptions of what marriage entails.

[50] In short, the determination of whether the parties in this case lived in a marriage-like relationship is a fact-specific inquiry that a trial judge would need to make on a “holistic” basis, having regard to all of the evidence. While the trial judge may consider the various factors listed in the authorities, those factors would not be treated as a checklist and no single factor or category of factors would be treated as being decisive.

E. Is There a Reasonable Claim of a Marriage-Like Relationship?
[51] In this case, many of the Molodowich factors are missing:

a) The parties never lived under the same roof. They never slept together. They were never in the same place at the same time during the relationship. The last time they saw each other in person was in November 2017, before the relationship began.

b) The parties never had consensual sex. They did not hug, kiss or hold hands. With the exception of the alleged sexual assault, they never touched one another physically.

c) The parties expressed care and affection for one another, but they rarely shared personal information or interest in their lives outside of their direct topic of communication. They did not write about their families, their friends, their religious beliefs or their work.

d) They expressed concern and support for one another when the other felt unwell or experienced health issues, but they did not provide any care or assistance during illness or other problems.

e) They did not assist one another with domestic chores.

f) They did not share their relationship with their peers or their community. There is no allegation, for example, that Mr. Dorje told his fellow monks or any of his followers about the relationship. There is no allegation that Ms. Han told her friends or any co-workers. Indeed, there is no allegation that anyone, with the exception of Ms. Han’s mother, knew about the relationship. Although Mr. Dorje gave Ms. Han’s mother a gift, he never met the mother and he never spoke to her.

g) They did not intend to have a child together. The child was conceived as a result of a sexual assault. While Mr. Dorje expressed interest in “meeting” the child, he never followed up. He currently has no relationship with the child. There is no allegation he has sought access or parenting arrangements.

[52] The only Molodowich factor of any real relevance in this case is economic support. Mr. Dorje provided the funds with which Ms. Han purchased a condominium. Mr. Dorje initially wrote that he wanted to buy a property with the money, but, he wrote, “It’s the same thing if you buy [it]”.

[53] Mr. Dorje also provided a significant amount of money for Ms. Han’s postpartum care and the child’s first year of life.

[54] This financial support may have been primarily for the benefit of the child. Even the condominium, Ms. Han wrote, was primarily for the benefit of the child.

[55] However, in my view, a trial judge may attach a broader significance to the financial support from Mr. Dorje than child support alone. A trial judge may find that the money Mr. Dorje provided to Ms. Han at her request was an expression of his commitment to her in circumstances in which he could not commit physically. The money and the gifts may be seen by the trial judge to have been a form of down payment by Mr. Dorje on a promise of continued emotional and financial support for Ms. Han, or, in Mr. Dorje’s own words, “Taking care of her and you are my duty for life” (emphasis added).

[56] On the other hand, I find it difficult to attach any particular significance to the fact that Mr. Dorje agreed to provide funds for Ms. Han to purchase a wedding ring. It appears to me that Ms. Han demanded that Mr. Dorje buy her a wedding ring, not that the ring had any mutual meaning to the parties as a marriage symbol. But it is relevant, in my view, that Mr. Dorje provided $20,000 USD to Ms. Han for something she wanted that was of no benefit to the child.

[57] Further, Ms. Han alleges that the parties intended to live together. At a minimum, a trial judge may find that the discussions about where Ms. Han and the child would live reflected a mutual intention of the parties to see one another and spend time together when they could.

[58] Mr. Dorje argues that an intention to live together at some point in the future is not sufficient to show that an existing relationship was marriage-like. He argues that the question of whether the relationship was marriage-like requires more than just intentions, citing Weber, supra.

[59] In my view, the documentary evidence referred to above provides some objective evidence in this case that the parties progressed beyond mere intentions. As stated, the parties appear to have expressed genuine care and affection for one another. They appear to have discussed marriage, trust, honesty, finances, mutual obligations and acquiring family property. These are not matters one would expect Mr. Dorje to discuss with a friend or a follower, or even with the mother of his child, without a marriage-like element of the relationship.

[60] A trial judge may find on the facts alleged by Ms. Han that the parties loved one another and would have lived together, but were unable to do so because of Mr. Dorje’s religious duties and nomadic lifestyle.

[61] The question I raised in the introduction to these reasons is whether a relationship that began on-line and never moved into the physical world can be marriage-like.

[62] Notably, the definition of a spouse in the Family Law Act does not require that the parties live together, only that they live with another person in a marriage-like relationship.

[63] In Connor Estate, 2017 BCSC 978, Mr. Justice Kent found that a couple that maintained two entirely separate households and never lived under the same roof formed a marriage-like relationship. (Connor Estate was decided under the intestacy provisions of the Wills, Estates and Succession Act, S.B.C. 2009, c. 13 ("WESA"), but courts have relied on cases decided under WESA and the FLA interchangeably for their definitions of a spouse.) Mr. Justice Kent found:

[50] The evidence is overwhelming and I find as a fact that Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor loved and cared deeply about each other, and that they had a loving and intimate relationship for over 20 years that was far more than mere friendship or even so-called "friendship with benefits". I accept Mr. Chambers' evidence that he would have liked to share a home with Ms. Connor after the separation from his wife, but was unable to do so because of Ms. Connor's hoarding illness. The evidence amply supports, and I find as a fact, that Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor loved each other, were faithful to each other, communicated with each other almost every day when they were not together, considered themselves to be (and presented themselves to be) "husband and wife" and were accepted by all who knew them as a couple.

[64] Connor Estate may be distinguishable from this case because Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor were physically intimate for over 20 years, and presented themselves to the world as a married couple.

[65] Other decisions in which a marriage-like relationship has been found to exist despite the parties not living together have involved circumstances in which the couple lived under the same roof at previous points in the relationship, and the issue was whether they continued to be spouses after they took up separate residences: in Thompson v. Floyd, 2001 BCCA 78, the parties had lived together for a period of at least 11 years; in Roach v. Dutra, 2010 BCCA 264, the parties had lived together for approximately three years.

[66] However, as Mr. Justice Kent noted in Connor Estate:

[48] … [W]hile much guidance might be found in this case law, the simple fact is that no two cases are identical (and indeed they usually vary widely) and it is the assessment of evidence as a whole in this particular case which matters.

[67] Mr. Justice Kent concluded:

[53] Like human beings themselves, marriage-like relationships can come in many and various shapes. In this particular case, I have no doubt that such a relationship existed …

[68] As stated, Ms. Han’s claim is novel. It may even be weak. Almost all of the traditional factors are missing. The fact that Ms. Han and Mr. Dorje never lived under the same roof, never shared a bed and never even spent time together in person will militate against a finding they lived with one another in a marriage-like relationship. However, the traditional factors are not a mandatory check-list that confines the “elastic” concept of a marriage-like relationship. And if the COVID pandemic has taught us nothing else, it is that real relationships can form, blossom and end in virtual worlds.

[69] In my view, the merits of Ms. Han’s claim should be decided on the evidence. Subject to an overriding prejudice to Mr. Dorje, she should have leave to amend the notice of family claim. However, she should also provide meaningful particulars of the alleged marriage-like relationship.

F. Delay / Prejudice
[70] Ms. Han filed her notice of family claim on July 17, 2019. She brought this application to amend approximately one year and nine months after she filed the pleading, just over two months before the original trial date.

[71] Ms. Han’s delay was made all that more remarkable by her change in position from January 19, 2021, when she confirmed, through counsel, that she was not seeking spousal support in this case.

[72] Ms. Han gave notice of her intention to proceed with this application to Mr. Dorje on March 16, 2021. By the time the application was heard, the parties had conducted examinations for discovery without covering the issues that would arise from a claim of spousal support.

[73] Also, in April, Ms. Han produced additional documents, primarily text messages, that may be relevant to her claim of spousal support, but were undecipherable to counsel for Mr. Dorje, who does not read Mandarin.

[74] This application proceeded largely on documents selected and translated by counsel for Ms. Han. I was informed that Mandarin translations of the full materials would take 150 days.

[75] Understandably in the circumstances, Mr. Dorje argued that an amendment two months before trial would be neither just nor convenient. He argued that he would be prejudiced by an adjournment so as to allow Ms. Han to advance a late claim of spousal support.

[76] The circumstances changed on May 6, 2021, when Madam Justice Walkem adjourned the trial to July 2022 and reset it for 25 days. Madam Justice Walkem noted that most of the witnesses live internationally and require translators. She also noted that paternity may be in issue, and Mr. Dorje may amend his pleadings to raise that issue. It seems clear that, altogether apart from the potential spousal support claim, the parties were not ready to proceed to trial on June 7, 2021.

[77] In my view, any remaining prejudice to Mr. Dorje is outweighed by the importance of having all of the issues between the parties decided on their merits.

[78] Ms. Han’s delay and changes of position on spousal support may be a matter to de addressed in a future order of costs; but they are not grounds on which to deny her leave to amend the notice of family claim.

CONCLUSION
[79] Ms. Han is granted leave to amend her notice of family claim in the form attached as Appendix A to the notice of application to include a claim for spousal support.

[80] Within 21 days, or such other deadline as the parties may agree, Ms. Han must provide particulars of the marriage-like relationship alleged in the amended notice of family claim.

[81] Ms. Han is entitled to costs of this application in the cause of the spousal support claim.

“Master Elwood”

Lyrics:

Dance with My Father
Luther Vandross
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again, ooh
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved?
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

Hope you all enjoy my new video....my cover of "Dance With My Father"
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Thank you Luther for this great song!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmDxJrggie8

Will Lin
YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/willboy024
Facebook Fan page: https://www.facebook.com/willboyclub

Lyric:

Back when I was a child,
before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and
dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

www.myspace.com/shiggashay

NEW!!!! Download link : http://www.zshare.net/audio/57135211aaa0ce7c/

Old link: http://www.zshare.net/audio/159405548b76f753



Song I wrote for all the mothers in the world! :)

Lyrics:

[Intro]
This one goes out, to all the moms in the world
I consider them warriors
Chea!

[Hook]
My mama told me, when I was young,
She'd sit beside me, 'my only son.. '
And listen closely..to what I say
And if you do this..it'll help you, some sunny day

[Verse1: ShiGGa Shay]
When I was young, only you believed in my dreams
When they told me I wasn't the one, you still gave me self-esteem
I remember everything you said
When I was down with a fever, layin cold on the bed
I told you I was gonna represent Singapore
And now you holdin' down every single one of my metaphors
I cursed, I fought, I lied and cried
and if it wasn't for you, I probably woulda died
You single handedly turned me from trash to a pearl
A lady responsible for bringing me into the world
You were always there, when hope was forlorn
A day after 9/11 a star was born
You knew I was special so you told me to do it
knewing that I was much more than marketed music
I would never forget what you've done for me
Cause without you, I wouldn't have a soul to breathe

[Hook]
Oh take your time.. don't learn too fast..
Troubles will come..and they will past..
You find a woman..and you'll find love..
And don't forget there is a someone..up above

[Verse2: ShiGGa Shay]
Whenever I fell you were always there to catch me
Fillin' my heart with love so it's never empty
The love you've given can't be described wit a pen
I wouldn't mind livin life as your child again
You still stayed when I refused to even listen
There were days you worked late just to pay tuition
but my intuition told me you had a mission
You wrote me a bright future now I have a vision
Of the world in my palms, ya baby boy's all grown
Hugged me with open arms when I was all alone
there was a time I did real bad in school
You didnt give up even when they said I was a fool
With your love and support I know I gotta make it
Makin you proud cause I'm what you created
If I get signed I ma get you a home
I made this song cause I'm more comfortable speakin on tha microphone

[Hook]
And get your lust, from a rich man's gold..
All that you need now.. is in your soul..
And you can do this.. if you try..
All that I want from you my son.. is to be satisfied!
And be a simple..kind of man..and be something..
You love and understand..let it be a simple..kind of man..
Oh won't you do this all..if you can..

[Verse3: ShiGGa Shay]
Call me the human torch my rhymes on fire
My moms a warrior and pops is a cancer survivor
Didn't mind when 'I kissed a girl like 'Katy Perry'
cause they say that I'm sweeter than Ben & Jerry's
You must be proud of the product you created
I work so hard yet they say I'm overrated
Don't tell me but show thats what mama told me
Hold me closely like a book then carefully unfold me
Whatever yo momma say you gotta pay attention
Cause her words probaby pay a king's ransom
If my hand is a gun, I got it cocked like Will Smith(Hancock)
I'm ma use it to protect even if my bones shift
I ain't gon follow my dreams I ma lead them with glory
My momma led a life you could read in a story
I owe you so much that I can't repay
without you there wouldnt be no ShiGGa Shay!

[Hook]
Oh don't you worry.. you'll find yourself..
Follow your heart.. and nothing else..
And you can do this.. oh yeah..If you try..
All that I want from you my son..is to be satisfied!
And be a simple..kind of man..and be something..
You love and understand..let it be a simple..be a simpleman..
Oh won't you do this all..if you can..

[No one can scold me, thats what Mama Told me]
[Don't tell me but show me, thats what Mama Told me]

www.myspace.com/shiggashay

Contact: shiggashay@yahoo.com