關於 tie breaking ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

【天青色等煙雨，而我在等你】(English writing below)

我看著客人眼淚
滴滴答答的打在桌面上
筆記本
濕了
本子上的字
糊了

她的心酸
猶如洪泉遇到崩裂的堤壩
一波一浪的破牆而出

一個被愛情辜負的女子
看了真是心疼

我不由自覺的
想到了自己

你懂我的
像我這樣剛烈的女子
爲了愛情
我絕不退縮
祇是一個勇字
又豈能成事呢

童年
過得心驚膽顫
家裡常吵得
雞犬不寧

爸爸沒想要
把我生下
媽媽常說
要把我趕出去

我很努力讀書
我很努力做個乖孩子
我覺得我做得很好
人小小本事很大
但這些終究無法
讓我在美滿的家庭長大

多少個夜晚裡
我被媽媽打得
想奪門而出
永不再見
可是想到誰來照顧她
我又忍下來

我很恨
為何我命運不如人

第一次談戀愛時
我是多麼多麼的雀躍
內心裡的煙花
不斷地爆開
我終於等到了
不再是
沒人要的孩子了

我終於
值得有人愛了

初戀的絢麗
卻也如七彩美麗的煙花
一聲巨響後
就消失在漆黑的夜裡

他常常在我面前
提到他如何深愛著
他中學時的校花
她是如此的美好

有一次
這校花來我們的學校
他得知後
破課室的門而出
沒見到她
他哭了一整個星期

心中的不安
讓我常常與他吵架
三年零八個月裡
我不是一個好女友
服滿兵役後
他喜歡上大學迎新會
的一位混血兒

後來
我和一位校友打了幾次桌球
某夜
他在ICQ向我索吻
對他的印象
就一落千丈了
（你以為老娘在賤賣嗎？）
不久一位朋友告訴我
他約會的對象
不只我一個

我有一位
很好很好的朋友
我在新加坡時
他常陪我
深夜打桌球到清晨
聊佛法聊人生
一起上佛學班
一起學國標舞
從未有一個人
如此瞭解我的心
如此照顧著我

但無所不談的當兒
他也不斷告訴
這麼多年來
他如何愛念著
一個女孩
對她始終無法忘懷

我又輸給
活在記憶中的人了

我這一份單戀
長達兩年
很磨人很磨人很磨人
差一點走不出來

第二次談戀愛
他常在我面前提起
一個他追了半年追不到的女孩
他說
有一天一定要去問她
為什麼不選擇他

在家裡的毒打
並沒有隨著我成人
而停止

後來拜師學藝
卻因爲品德不良
被師父一句
「你不是我要找的人。」
斷然吃了閉門羹

那天我哭得痛徹心扉
覺得自己
好像是
個沒人要的孩子

方文山因爲
八百年前
宋徽宗皇帝御批的這句
「雨過天青雲破處」
而在周傑倫《青花瓷》裡
寫了『天青色等煙雨，而我在等你』

他說
愛情里最無力的無奈
就是「等待」
天青色得等待
不知何時會降的雨
雨停
積雲散去
朗朗晴空中
天青色才能顯現
如同我
只能被动而安静的
等待着
不知何时才会出现的妳。

慢慢的
我開始認為
我這輩子等不到了
月老應該沒幫我
綁上紅線

學佛多年後
忽然恍然大悟
一個道理
没有东西是必须拥有的
沒有它
也不代表自己的不足

愛情
是一個填不滿的慾望
所以愛情劇長紅

在2015年2月21日年初三，根本上師蓮生活佛在台灣中天綜合電視台的訪談中說：https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I （時間12:08）

「師尊本身的愛是這樣的。我既然愛她，就是要她幸福，不是要佔有她，這種愛不是佔有，其實愛不是佔有。如果愛是佔有的話，那就是屬於慾望。如果愛不是佔有，我是祝福她，雖然我愛她，她不愛我，她愛別人，我就祝福她。如果愛別人會比較幸福，我就祝福她。這種愛就不是佔有的愛。如果是佔有的愛，一定會產生痛苦。」

原來我真正在等的
是自己
自己的智慧開了
心變闊達時
才不會讓他人決定
自己幾時可以幸福
可以幸福多久
命運在我手中
怎麼走本來就是我說了算

我輕輕的拿起桌上的紙巾，遞給女客人。她一把鼻涕，一把眼淚的向我道謝。

借了師父慣用的笑話，我柔聲細語的說：「別哭，新加坡缺水，要哭要到蓄水池哭，這樣我們可以少看馬來西亞的臉色做人。」

她破涕而笑。

我再說：「我看了妳的八字，現在又看到妳真人，勸你跟我講話老實一點，要不然我幫不到妳。妳明明一直做人家的小三，還敢跟我哭沒有男人要和妳結婚？妳不也偷偷拿了他不少錢嗎？我看妳明明就是一張愛錢的臉。」

奉勸各位大俠，在我面前，若要用眼淚爲武器，請三思，因爲虛偽的，我必定拆你面具。

..........................

I looked at the teardrops of my client, pitter patter onto the table top. My client's notebook got wet. The words got muddled.

All the pains in her heart were like the angry river crushing through a broken dam, tearing down the walls as the tears flowed.

To see a lady being let down by love was indeed heart-breaking.

I couldn't help but thought of myself.

You know me. An unyielding character like mine will not shrink like a coward in the name of love. Alas, there are things in life that can't be accomplished solely with courage.

My childhood was filled with a lot of fear. There were often quarrels at home.

My dad didn't want me to be born. My mum often said she wanted to chase me out of the house.

I studied very hard. I did my utmost to be an obedient kid, and I thought I did very well as young child but I was already very capable. However, all these were not enough for me to grow up in a complete family.

So many nights, I got beaten up so badly by my mum that I wanted to just break out of the door and never to see her again. But the mere thought of nobody looking after her pulled me back.

I hated so much. Why wasn't my destiny comparable to other people?

When I first fell in love, I was so elated. The fireworks in my heart exploded non-stop. I finally found someone. I was no longer that child which nobody wanted. I was finally worthy of someone's love.

The splendour of first love, however, was as temporal as the rainbow-coloured fireworks. After a loud explosion, it vanished into the darkness of night.

He would often tell me in my face, how much he pined for and loved his secondary school crush, apparently the prettiest and most perfect girl in school.

Once, this campus belle came to our school. When he got wind of the news, he dashed out of the classroom. Failing to see her, he cried for one whole week.

My insecurity caused me to quarrel with him often. In those 3 years and 8 months, I wasn't a great girlfriend. After his NS, he got together with a girl of mixed blood at his university's Orientation camp.

I played pool with a uni mate a few times. One night over ICQ, he teased me for a kiss. My impression of him dropped like hot cakes. Did I look like I was lelong-ing myself? Later, a girl pal told me that he was dating several girls at the same time.

I had a very good friend. Whenever I was in Singapore, he would accompany me to play pool till wee hours. We talked about Dharma, life, and we attended Buddhism and ballroom dancing classes together. I had never met a person who understood me and took care of me so well.

But among our endless conversations of everything and anything, he always told me how he still loved a girl from his school. He couldn't forget her.

Again, I lost to someone who lived in the memory of the guy I liked.

This one-sided love of mine burned for two years. It was very, very, very excruciating. I almost didn't make it out alive.

In my second relationship, the boyfriend would always tell me about a pretty girl whom he pursued for half a year, but failed to win her heart. He told me firmly that if he had the chance, he wanted to ask her why she did not choose him.

The abusive beating at home did not stop even after I grew up.

Later on, when I wanted to become Shifu's disciple, he turned me down flat because he didn't think I had good morals and values. He was blunt, "You are not the person I am looking for."

That night, I cried painfully hard. Suddenly, I felt like I was the kid from my childhood whom nobody wanted.

800 years ago, Emperor Huizong of Song Dynasty wrote in an imperial decree "雨過天青雲破處". It was this that inspired Vincent Fang (方文山) to write the lyrics 『天青色等煙雨，而我在等你』in Jay Chou's song 青花瓷 (Blue and white porcelain).

Vincent Fang said, the most powerless kind of helplessness in love was waiting.

The sky green colour had to wait for the rain, which it had no idea when it would arrive. After the rain stopped, the thick clouds dissipated, in the clear skies, the sky green colour would then be able to appear. This was just like how he could only passively and quietly wait, for his lady whom he had no idea when she would appear.

Gradually, I started thinking that in this lifetime, I would not be able to wait for that person to appear. Perhaps Yue Lao (the elderly celestial under the moon) did not tie the red string on me.

After many years of learning the Dharma, one day, I suddenly came to the realisation that nothing is a must to own.

Secular love is a black hole of desires. That is why romantic shows are evergreen.

On 21 February 2015, the 3rd day of the Lunar New Year, my Root Guru Living Buddha Lian-Sheng spoke in an interview with the Taiwan CTI Television Inc.: https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I （timestamp 12:08）

"My personal take on love is this. Since I love her, I will want her to be blissful, and not to possess her. Such love isn't possession. Actually love isn't possession. If love is possession, that belongs to desire. If love isn't desire, I will wish her well. Although I love her, she doesn't love me, but loves another person, so I will give her my best wishes. If loving another person brings her more happiness, I will wish her well. Such love isn't possessive love. If it is possessive love, there will surely be pain."

Then I realised, the one that I had been waiting all along for is myself. Waiting for my wisdom to develop, waiting for my heart to be more open, so that I would not place my happiness in the hands of another person, and let the person decide for me when I should be happy, for how long I can stay happy...

My destiny is in my hands. How it pans out is up to me to say.

I gently picked up a serviette from the table and passed it to my lady client. In a mush of mucus and tears, she thanked me.

Borrowing an old joke from Shifu, I gently told her, "Don't cry. Singapore lacks water. If you want to cry, you should cry at a nearby reservoir. This way, we don't have to see the colours of Malaysia in order to get more water."

She broke into a smile among her tears.

I continued, "After looking at your Bazi, and now that I have seen you in person, I advise you to be more honest with me, or else I will not be able to help you. You have all along been a mistress to other men, and you dare to come crying to me that no man wanted to marry you? Didn't you also stole some money from them? The way I see you, you obviously have a money grubber face."

My advice to all swordsmen: If you wish to use your tears as a weapon in front of me, think thrice. Because if you are a hypocrite, I will definitely rip your mask apart.

耶～耶～耶
好活動一波接一波來囉！

High School High vol.11
一生一次的高校生涯
沒挑戰過最熱血的街舞甲子園，真的白跳！

防治疫情，活動當天請配戴口罩，
並配合工作人員做實名登記。
今年新增
四人同行一人免費的觀賽方案，
來觀戰也很刺激！
搭配標配的台畜熱狗、冰鎮紅茶
還有夏日必備的Clear淨洗髮精，
精彩的活動，好吃好用更好玩。

比賽日期：2020年 7月18日 星期六
比賽場地：花漾HANA展演空間
(台北市仁愛路一段17號10樓)

活動流程：
09:00~10:00 BREAKING選手報到 觀眾領票入場
10:00-11:30 BREAKING PRELIM (同一時間為HIPHOP組賽事報到報名)
11:30-12:00 HIPHOP PRELIM (同一時間為LOCKING組賽事報到報名)
12:00-12:30 LOCKING PRELIM (同一時間為POPPING組賽事報到報名)
12:30-13:10 POPPING PRELIM
13:10-13:55 JUDGE DEMO
BREAKING QUARTER FINAL
BREAKING SEMIFINAL
HIPHOP QUARTER FINAL
HIPHOP SEMIFINAL
LOCKING QUARTER FINAL
LOCKING SEMIFINAL
POPPING QUARTER FINAL
POPPING SEMIFINAL
BREAKING FINAL
HIPHOP FINAL
LOCKING FINAL
POPPING FINAL

比賽項目：
每間學校各舞風皆不限制隊數。限同校之學生組隊參加。
BBOY 2～5人 Team battle (不滿二人，需繳二人報名費才能參賽)
LOCK 3 on 3 (不滿三人，需繳二人報名費才能參賽)
POP 3 on 3 (不滿三人，需繳二人報名費才能參賽)
HIP HOP 3 on 3 (不滿三人，需繳二人報名費才能參賽)

參賽費用：
7/11 23:59前早鳥優惠，NT.500/人
7/11 起原價，NT.600/人
觀賽費用 NT.500/人
早鳥團購：4人同行1人免費 （純觀賽不轉比賽）

購買觀賽票及報名連結：
https://www.obsbattle.com
使用手機購買觀賽票及報名連結：
https://www.accupass.com/go/hsh11

活動客服：
IG:obs_battle

*MC：
Atoh (Team SKIP & The Best Crew / Taiwan)
Yoyo (Team SKIP & AdBkM & Rolling Fantasy / Taiwan)
Gaby (KFC / Taiwan)

*DJ：
DJ Brotha Wu (Flexion Boogz & Flavabots / Taiwan)
DJ Double P (Endless Crew / Taiwan)
DJ SOUNG (Mask / Taiwan)

評審：
*BBOY Team Battle：
Gun Kid 小朋友 (Boyz In The Hood / Taiwan )
Aya 阿雅 (Happy Soul & MZK & Formosa Crew / Taiwan )
Rm (Dream Runner / Taiwan )
Meeguz 小咪 (PLKZ & Rock Fantastic / Taiwan) (海選評審)

*LOCK SIDE：
Lil Elmo 小艾毛 (Tribal Crew & Hitch Hike / Taiwan )
Dimple 小慧 (The Best Crew / Taiwan)
Hombin 宏彬 (IP Lockers / Taiwan)
Baku (PHD / Taiwan) (海選評審)

*POP SIDE：
Ranny Liu 劉凌宇 (Hizam / Taiwan)
Pop Chen 品誠 (Flexion Boogz & Flavabots / Taiwan)
Boogie Tie 阿泰 (Swing Boys & IP poppers / Taiwan)
Brotha Wu 吳維 (Flexion Boogz & Flavabots / Taiwan) (海選評審)

*HIP HOP SIDE：
AJ Su (MT & Double Elementz / Taiwan )
Nike (Street Monster & Move On / Taiwan)
Horsir 小馬 (ODC & Peeps / Taiwan )
Tiger 小虎 (Mask / Taiwan)

比賽辦法：
https://goo.gl/k9ZtQo

═══════════

主辦單位：
中華民國街舞運動推廣協會
Team SKIP

冠名贊助：
泰山冰鎮 My Turn

贊助單位：
CLEAR淨
台灣農畜
TKK頂呱呱
功夫茶
98分

協力單位：
文總
ACCUPASS
TBC DANCE CENTER
共楽 Gung Lok港式餐廳

═══════════

✔HSH VOL.11 網路報名連結：
https://www.obsbattle.com
✔Team SKIP 官方訊息粉專：
https://www.facebook.com/TeamSKIP

My sister, Michelle-Ann Iking's 3% chance of conceiving naturally was a success! Here's her story:

(My apologies as I've been overwhelmed with personal matters. I've only managed to get to my desk. So finally got around posting this).

This is the story behind my sister's pregnancy struggle and how she shared her journey over her Facebook page.

Because some may have not caught her LIVE session chat with me (https://www.facebook.com/daphneiking/videos/687743128744960/) , or read her lengthy post (as it's a private page);
she's allowed me to copy and paste it over my wall, in case you need to know more about her thought process on how AND why she focused on the 3% success probability. Read on.

-------------------------------------------

Posted 10th May 2020.
FB Credit: Michelle-Ann Iking

A week ago today I celebrated becoming a mother to our second, long awaited child.

Please forgive this mother's LONG (self-indulgent) post, journalling what this significant milestone has meant for her personally, for her own fallible memory's sake as well as maybe to share one day with her son.

If all you were wondering was whether I had delivered and if mum and bub are OK, please be assured the whole KkLM family are thriving tremendously, and continue scrolling right along your Newsfeed 😁.

OUR 3% MIRACLE

All babies are miracles... and none more so than our precious Kiaen Aaryan (pronounced KEY-n AR-yen), whose name derives from Sanskrit origins meaning:

Grace of God
Spiritual
Kind
Benevolent

...words espousing the gratitude Kishore and I feel for Kiaen's arrival as our "3% miracle".

He was conceived, naturally, after 3 years of Kishore and I hoping, praying and 'endeavoring'... and only couples for whom the objective switches from pure recreation to (elusive) procreation will understand how this is less fun than it sounds ...

3 years during which time we had consensus from 3 different doctors that we, particularly I (with my advancing age etc etc) had only a 3% chance of natural conception and that our best hope for a sibling for our firstborn, Lara Anoushka, was via IVF.

Lara herself was an 'intervention baby', being one of the 20% of babies successfully conceived through the less intrusive IUI process, after a year and a half of trying naturally and already being told then my age was a debilitating factor.

We had tried another round of IUI for her sibling in 2017 when Lara was a year old. And that time we fell into the ranks of the 80% of would-be parents for whom it would be an exercise in futility... who would go home, comfort each other as best they could, while individually masking their own personal disappointment... hoping for the best, 'the next time around'...

So the improbability ratio of 97% against natural conception of our second baby, as concurred by the combined opinion of 3 medical professionals, was a very real, very daunting figure for us to have to mentally deal with.

Deep, DEEP, down in my heart however, though I had many a day of doubt... I kept a core kernel of faith that somehow, I would again experience the privilege of pregnancy, and again, have a chance at childbirth.

And so, the optimist in me would tell myself, "Well, there have to be people who fall in the 3% bucket... why shouldn't WE be part of the 3%?"

Those who know me well, understand my belief in the Law of Attraction, the philosophy of focusing your mind only on what you want to attract, not on what you don't want, and so even as Kishore and I prepared to go into significant personal debt to attempt IVF in the 2nd half of 2019, I marshalled a last ditch effort to hone in on that 3% chance of natural conception... through research coming across fertility supplements that I ordered from the US and sent to a friend in Singapore to redirect to me because the supplier would not deliver to Malaysia.

I made us as a couple take the supplements in the 3 month 'priming period' in the lead up to the IVF procedure - preconditioning our bodies for optimum results, if you will.

At the same time, I had invested in a sophisticated fertility monitor, with probes and digital sensors for daily tracking of saliva and other unmentionable fluid samples, designed to pinpoint with chemical accuracy my state of fertility on any given day.

(UPDATE: For those interested - I obtained the supplements and Ovacue Fertility Monitor from https://www.fairhavenhealth.com/. Though I had my supplies delivered to a friend in Singapore, and redirected to me here since the US site does not deliver to Malaysia, there are local distributors for these products, you will just have to research the trustworthiness of the vendors yourself...)

I had set an intention - in the 3 months of pre-IVF priming, I would consume what seemed like a pharmacy's worth of supplements, and track fertility religiously... in hopes that somehow, within the 3 month priming period, we would conceive naturally and potentially save ourselves a down payment on a new property... and this was just a projection on financial costs of IVF, not even considering the physical, emotional and mental toll it involves, with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it all...

It was a continuation of an intention embedded even with my first pregnancy, where all the big ticket baby items were consciously purchased for use by a future sibling, in gender neutral colours, in hopes that sibling would be a brother "for a balanced pair", though of course any healthy child would be a welcome blessing.

It was a very conscious determination to always skew my thoughts in service of what the end objective was. For example, when 3+year old Lara would innocently express impatience at not yet having a sibling, at one point suggesting that since we were "taking too long to give her a baby brother/sister", perhaps we should just "go buy a baby from a shop", instead of getting defensive or berating the baby that she herself was, we enlisted Lara's help to pray for her sibling... so in any place of worship, or sacred ground of any kind that we passed thereon, Lara would stop, close her eyes, bow her small head and place her tiny hands together in prayer, reciting earnestly, "Please God, please give me a baby brother or baby sister."

After months and months of watching Lara do this, in the constancy of her childlike chant, Kishore started feeling the pressure of possibly disappointing Lara if her prayer was not answered. Whereas for me, Lara's recitation of her simple wish became like a strengthening mantra, our collective intention imbued with greater power with each repetition, and the goal of a sibling kept very much in the forefront of our minds (hence our calling Lara our 'project manager' in this endeavour).

And somehow in the 2nd month of that 3 month period, a positive + sign appeared on one of the home pregnancy tests I had grown accustomed to taking - my version of the lottery tickets others keep buying in hopes of hitting the jackpot, with all the cyclical anticipation and more often than not, disappointment, that entails...

This time however I was not disappointed.

With God's Grace, (hence 'Kiaen', a variation of 'Kiaan' which means 'Grace of God'), my focus on our joining the ranks of the 3% had materialised.

It seems poetic then, that Kiaen chose to make his appearance on the 3rd May, ironically the same date that his paternal great-grandfather departed this world for the next... such that in the combined words of Kishore and his father Kai Vello Suppiah,

"The 1st generation Suppiah left on 3rd May and the 4th generation Suppiah arrived on 3rd May after 41yrs...
One leaves, another comes, the legacy lives on..."

***

KIAEN AARYAN SUPPIAH'S BIRTH STORY

On Sunday 3rd May, I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

The baby was, in my mind, very UN-fashionably late past his due date of 29th April, so as much as I had willed and 'manifested' the privilege of pregnancy, to say I was keen to be done with it all was an understatement.

In the weeks leading to up to my full term, I had experienced increasingly intense Braxton-Hicks 'practice contractions' - annoying for me for the discomfort involved, stressful for Kishore who was on tenterhooks with the false alarms, on constant alert for when we would actually need to leave home for the hospital.

Having become a Hypnobirthing student and advocate from my first pregnancy with Lara, and thus being equipped with
(1) a lack of fear about childbirth in general and
(2) a basic understanding of how all the sensations I would experience fit into the big picture of my body bringing our baby closer to us,
I was less stressed - content to wait for the baby to be "fully cooked" and come out whenever he was ready... though I wouldn't have minded at all if the cooking time ended sooner, rather than later.

With Lara, I had been somewhat 'forced' into an induced labour, even though she was not yet due, and that had resulted in a 5 DAY LABOUR, a Birth Story for another post, so I was not inclined to chemically induce labour, even though I was assured that for second time mothers, it would be 'much faster and easier'...

That morning, I had a hunch *maybe* that day was the day, because in contrast to previous weeks' sensations of tightening, pressure and even spasms that were concentrated in the front of my abdomen and occasionally shot through my sides and legs, I felt period - like cramping in my lower back which I had not felt before throughout the pregnancy.

It was about 8am in the morning then, and my 'surges' were still relatively mild ('surges' being Hypnobirthing - speak for 'contractions', designed to frame them with the more positive connotations needed to counteract common language in which childbirth is presented as something that is unequivocally painful and traumatic, instead of the miraculous, powerful and natural phenomenon it actually is).

I recall (masochistically?) entertaining the thought of opting NOT to have an epidural JUST TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE...

I figured this would be the last time I would be pregnant and so it would be my 'last chance' to experience 'drug free labour' which, apart from the health benefits for baby and mother, might be *interesting* in a way that people who are curious about what getting a tattoo and skydiving and bungee jumping are like, might find these *interesting*...even knowing there will be pain and risk involved...

Since I have tried tattoos and skydiving (unfortunately not being able to squeeze in bungee-jumping while my life was purely my own to risk at no dependents' possible detriment) a similar curiousity about a no-epidural labour was on my mind...

In the absence of other signs of the onset of labour (like 'bloody show' or my waters breaking), I wanted to wait until the surges were coming every few minutes before we actually left the house for the hospital, not wanting to be one of those couples who rushed in too early and had interminable waits for the next stage in unfamiliar, clinical surroundings and/or were made to go home in an anti-climatic manner.

I was even calm enough through my surges to have the presence of mind to wash and blowdry my hair, knowing if I did deliver soon I would not be allowed this luxury for a while.

Around 9am I asked Kishore to prep for Lara and himself to be dressed and breakfasted so we could head to hospital soon, while I sent messages to family members on both sides informing them 'today might be the day.'

My mother, who had briefly served as a midwife before going back into general nursing and then becoming a nursing tutor, prophetically stated that if what I was experiencing was true labour, "the baby would be out by noon".

The pace in which my surges grew closer together was surprisingly quicker than I expected; and while I asked Lara to "Hurry up with breakfast" with only a tad more urgency than we normally tell her to do, little Missy being prone to dilly-dallying at meals, I probably freaked Kishore out when about 930am onwards, I had to instinctively get on my hands and knees a couple of times, eyes closed, trying to practice the Hypnobirthing breathing techniques I had revised to help along the process of my body birthing our child into the world.

I recall him saying a bit frantically as I knelt at our front door, doubled over as he waited for Lara to complete something or other, "Lara hurry up! Can't you see Mama is in so much pain and you are taking your own sweet time??!!"

SIDETRACK: Just the night before, Lara and I had watched a TV show in which a woman gave birth with the usual histrionics accompanying pop culture depictions of labour.

Lara watched the scene, transfixed.

I told her, simply and matter-of-factly, "That's what Mama has to do to get baby brother out Lara, and that's what I had to do for you also."

In most of interactions with my daughter, I have sought to equip her to face life's situations with calmness, truthful common sense, and ideally a minimum of drama.

Those who know the dramatic diva that Lara can be will know that this is a work-in-progress, but her response to me that night showed me some of my 'teachings' were sinking in:

She looked at me unfazed, "But Mama," she said. "You won't cry and scream like that lady, right? You will be BRAVE and stay calm, right?"
#nopressure.

So as we prepped to leave for the hospital I did indeed attempt to be that role model of calm for her, asking her only for her help in keeping very quiet,
"Because Mama needs to focus on bringing baby brother out and she needs quiet to concentrate...".

As we left the house at 10.11am, I texted Kishore's sister Geetha to please prep to pick up Lara from the hospital, and was grateful Kishore had the foresight to ask our gynae to prepare a letter for Geetha to show any police roadblocks between my in-laws' home in Subang Jaya and the hospital in Bangsar, this all happening under the Movement Control Order (MCO).

To Lara's credit, in the journey over to the hospital, she - probably sensing the gravity of the situation, sat very quietly in her seat at the back, and the silence was punctuated only by my occasional deep intakes of breath and some variation of my Ohmmm-like moans when the sensations were at their height.

By the time we got to Pantai Hospital at around 10.30am, my surges were strong enough I requested a wheelchair to assist me in getting to the labour ward, as I did not trust my own legs to support me... and Kishore would have to wait until Geetha had arrived to take Lara back to my in-laws' house before he himself could go up.

I slumped in the wheelchair and was wheeled up to the labour room with my eyes closed the whole time, trying to handle my surges.

I didn't even look up to see the attendant who pushed me... but did make the effort to thank him sincerely when he handed me over, with what seemed like a palpable sense of relief on his part, to the labour ward nurses.

The nurse attending me at Pantai was calm, steady and efficient. I answered some questions and changed into my labour gown while waiting for Kishore to come up, all the while managing the increasingly intense surges with my rusty Hypnobirthing breathing techniques.

By the time Kishore joined me at around 11am (I know these timings based on the timestamps of the 'WhatsApp live feed' of messages Kishore sent to his family), I was asking the nurse on duty, "How soon can I get an epidural??" thinking what crazy woman thought she could do this without drugs???!!!

The nurse checked my cervix dilation, I saw her bloodied glove indicating my mucous plug had dislodged, and she told me, "Well you are already at 7cm (which, for the uninitiated, is 70% of the way to the 10cm dilation needed for birthing), you are really doing well, if you made it this far without any drugs, if can you try and manage without it... I suspect within 2 hours or less you will deliver your baby and since it will take about that time for the anaesthesiologist to be called, epidural to be administered and kick in... it might all be for nothing... but of course the decision is completely up to you... "

So there I was, super torn, should I risk the sensations becoming worse... or risk the epidural becoming a waste?? And of course I was trying to decide this as my labour surges were coming at me stronger and stronger...

I was in such a dilemma...because as a 'recovering approval junkie' there was also a silly element of approval-seeking involved, ("The nurse thinks I can do this without drugs... maybe I CAN do this without drugs... Yay me!") mixed with that element of curiosity I mentioned earlier ("What if I actually CAN do this without drugs... plenty of other women have done it all over the world since time immemorial.. no big deal, how bad can it be...??") so then I thought I would use the financial aspect to be the 'tiebreaker' in my decision making...

I asked the nurse how much an epidural would cost and when she replied "Around MYR1.5k", I still remember Kishore's incredulous face as I asked the question, i.e."Seriously babe, you are gonna think about money right now? If you need the epidural TAKE IT, don't worry about the money!!!"... and while we are not rich by any stretch of the imagination, thankfully RM1.5k is not a quantum that made me swing towards a decision to "better save the money"...

So in the end, I guess my curiosity won out, and I turned down the epidural "just to see what it would be like and if I had it in me" (in addition of course to avoiding the side effects of any drugs introduced into my and the baby's body).

My labour occuring in the time of coronavirus, it was protocol for me to have a COVID19 test done, so the medical staff could apply the necessary precautions. I had heard from a friend Sharon Ruba that the test procedure was uncomfortable, so when the nurse came with the test kit as I was starting another surge, I asked, "Please can I just finish this surge before I do the test?" as I really didn't think I could multitask tackling multiple uncomfortable sensations in one go.

The COVID19 test involved what felt like a looong, skinny cotton bud being inserted into one nostril... I definitely felt more than a tickle as it went in and up, being told to take deep breaths by the nurse. Then she asked me to "Try to swallow" and I felt it go into my nasal cavities where I didn't think anything could go any further, but was proven wrong when she asked me to swallow again and the swab was probed even deeper. Then she warned me there would be some slight discomfort as she prepared to collect a sample... but at that point all I could think about was:

(i) I really don't have much of a choice
(ii) please let this be over before my next surge kicks in
(iii) if all the people breaking the MCO rules knew what it feels like to do this test maybe they won't put themselves at risk of the need to perform one...

In full disclosure as I was transferred into the actual delivery room at some point after 11am, another nurse offered me 'laughing gas' to ostensibly take some of the edge off... I took the self-operated breathing nozzle passed to me but don't recall it making any difference to my sensations..so didn't use it much as it seemed pretty pointless.

I recall some measure of relief when I heard my gynae Dr. Paul entering the room, greeting Kishore and me, and telling us it was going well and it wouldn't be long now and he would see us again shortly.

From my previous labour with Lara I knew the midwives pretty much take you 90% of the way through the labour and when the Dr is called in you are really at the home stretch, so was very relieved to hear his voice though knowing he would leave and come back later meant it wasn't quite over yet.

I do remember realising when I had crossed the Thinning and Opening Phase of labour to the Birthing Phase, by the change in sensations... it is still amazing to me that as the Hypnobirthing book mentioned, having this knowledge I was instinctively able to switch breathing techniques for the next stage of labour .

Was my opting against epidural the right choice for me?

Overall? Yes.

Don't get me wrong.

I *almost* regretted the decision several times during active labour... especially when I felt my body being taken over by an overwhelming compulsion to push that did not seem conscious and was accompanied by involuntary gutteral moans where I literally just thought to myself, "I surrender, God do with me what you will..." (super dramatic I know but VERY real at the time...).

I think I experienced 3-4 such natural explusive reflexes (?), rhythmically pushing the baby down the birth path, one of which was accompanied by what felt like a swoosh of water coming out of a hose with a diameter the size of a golf ball... this was when I realised my water had finally broken...

The nurses kept instructing me to do different things, to keep breathing, to move to my side, then to move to the middle, to raise my feet... and when I didn't comply, Kishore (who was with me throughout both my labours) tried to help them by repeating the instructions prefaced with "Sayang..." but I basically ignored all the intructions because I felt I had no capacity to direct any part of my body to do anything and someone else would have to physically manoeuvre that body part themselves.

When I heard Dr. Paul's voice again and the flurry of commotion surrounding his presence, I knew the time was close... and when I heard the nurse say to Kishore, "Sir, these are your gloves, for when you cut the baby's cord", it was music to my ears...

I'm very, VERY grateful Kiaen slid out after maybe the 4th of those involuntary pushes... the wave of RELIEF when he came out so quickly... it still boggles my mind that my mother was essentially right and as his birth time was 12.02pm, it was *only* about 1.5 hours between our arrival at the hospital and his arrival into the world.

Kiaen was placed on my chest for skin to skin bonding and remained there for a considerable time.

For our short stay in the hospital he would be with us in my maternity ward number C327... another trivially serendipitous sign for me because he was born on the 3rd (May) and our wedding anniversary is 27th (July).

I was discharged the following day 4th May at about 5.30pm, after I got an all clear on COVID19 and a paediatric surgeon did a small procedure on Kiaen to address a tongue-tie that would affect his breastfeeding latch... making the entire duration of our stay about 31 hours.

I have taken the time and effort to record all this down so that whenever life's challenges threaten to get me down I can remind myself, "Ignore the 97% failure probability, focus on the 3% success probability".

Also that the human condition is miraculous and it is such a privilege to experience it.

To our son Kiaen Aaryan, thank you for coming into our lives and choosing us as your parents.

Even though Papa and I are both zombies trying to settle into a night time feeding routine with you, I look forward to spending not only all future Mother's Days, but every day, with you and your Akka...

And last but not least, to my husband Kishore...without whom none of this would be possible - we did it sayang, I love you ❤️

Photo credit: Stayhome session with Samantha Yong Photography (http://samanthayong.com/)

เมื่อแม่แฟนจ้างให้เลิกกัน ซันจะเลือกอะไรกัน!? When your mother-in-law hiring you for breaking up. Sun, what would you choose!?

January 7, 2003: Kobe Bryant has made a career of making scoring records for the Los Angeles Lakers. The man once had 81 points, the second most ever scored in an NBA game. On this night 15 years ago, Kobe caught fire and it was his three-point shooting that gave him an NBA record.

The Lakers were playing the old Seattle SuperSonics back when Kobe and Shaq were still a duo. At the time Kobe was just 24 years old and had the game of a lifetime. It started out with him making 9 threes in a row. He would finish the game 12-18 from 3-point range, breaking Dennis Scott's record of 11 set in 1996. Kobe had 45 points on 16-28 shooting for the night.

Head coach Phil Jackson said: "That was perhaps the greatest streak shooting I have ever seen in my life." And that's coming from the man who coached Michael Jordan.

Watch all of his 12 three-pointers, it truly is an incredible feat.

The record has since been tied once by Donyell Marshall of the Toronto Raptors in 2005. Chandler Parsons of the Houston Rockets once hit 10 in a half, but amazingly didn't break or tie the record.

Here's to you Kobe and your 3-point record. I am sure this isn't the last record we will be hearing from you.

KAWAII♥PATEEN SKILL-UP #10
Lolita CURLY & FLUFFY HAIR TUTORIAL
by fashion model Yui Minakata
- ロリータファッションモデル皆方由衣のくるくるふわふわヘアメイク講座 -

Following the puppy eyes makeup tutorial, Yui Minakata shows how to style the hair and explains how to use different accessories to fit the look!

If you want to know the techniques Yui Minakata uses to make her eyes look DROOPY while still keeping a natural look, here is the video you must watch :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDAm2xmAgik

Yui Minakata is a model of the magazine KERA as well as the official lolita model of the brand INNOCENT WORLD.
She appears already in several videos on KAWAII PATEEN, have a look at these 4 videos series with the lolita fashion designer Yumi Fujiwara.

1- Innocent World's design process
　http://youtu.be/VZDVJR_XqAY
2- Innocent World designer interview
　http://youtu.be/ikRLGbU90IU
3- Innocent World designer's Atelier
　http://youtu.be/MAF7kYoNV3g
4- Innocent World Inside Stories
　 http://youtu.be/luv8Phi-ydY
—
Tokyo Street Fashion KAWAII♥PATEEN
_Have fun with Fashion!_
Everything kawaii, Street fashion snaps, makeup tutorials and reports on fashion events in TOKYO!!

On Facebook with tons of photos :
https://www.facebook.com/Tokyo.Street.Fashion.KAWAII.PATEEN
Official site : http://waoryu.jp

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I would like to curl my hair.This time I will use a thick 32mm tong.
I will start with the bangs.
The top and the bottom part will be done differently.
I want to make it fluffy, so the tip of the hair should be curled strongly.
It should be fluffy from the root part, so the iron should go further in diagonally and make it fluffy from the start.
Next, we will make the hair on the face line to curl inwards.
Only the tip should be done in a horizontal curl to make it curl inwards.
The hair around the face line is done. The rest should be curled in mixture curl.
From the top, take this much bundle of hair and start curling.
By making this first bundle in an inward curl, it will give a girly impression.
Next we will take about the same amount and make it an outward curl.
By curling from the top, you would make an even curl to the tip of your hair.
Starting from the inward curl from the inside.
Finally, I would like to loosen the whole hair.
Using brush is ok, but your hands will make the curl evenly without breaking the curl.
Take a bundle and loosen it as if you are tearing it apart.
When you have given some volume to it, it is done.
Now I would like to put on the head dress.
This head dress has a thick ribbon on it, so I would like to divide the hair to the front and the back of my ear.
Since the blouse also has a ribbon on it, the ribbon on the head dress should go on the back.
When you fix the ribbon here, it stabilizes well.
Lastly, I would like to bring it more to the front, so I will hold it with a pin.
The other side should also be held with a pin
The ribbon should go on the back.
When this part is floating, it would look like it is "on" it, so bring the hair on the back to the front and give it some volume to even it out.
Finally, shape it, and it is done.
I would like to put on the head dress.
Adjust it to determine the center position.
Position the ribbon so it will be symmetrical.
Bring the ribbon to the back of the ear.
t would be okay to tie it in the front or the back, but since it is a narrow white ribbon, I would like to tie it in the front.
Shape the ribbon and bring the rear part here, and it is done.
I had introduced the drooping eye Lolita make-up today. I would be glad if you could also try it as well.

みなゆい、可愛いヘアアレンジ、ロリータ、帽子、コテの使い方、女子、かわいい、顔まわり、ミックス巻き、ガーリー、女の子らしい、ロングヘアーアレンジ、ヘットドレスの付け方、ピン固定やり方、紫、フリル